THE 10 MOST SEXUALLY ACTIVE CITIES IN AMERICA

Summer vacation time is here. And when you’re planning yours, take my advice and make sure Houston is on the agenda. With a side trip to Atlanta.

Why? Because Trojan condoms did their “Pleasure Survey” and both those cities score at the top of the list in both Sexual Frequency and Sexual Satisfaction.

Down in Houston, they’re knocking cowboy boots an average of 101 times a year. Or about every 3 days. Trouncing second place Hot-lanta which came in with 88 times a year. The national average? 79 times a year, or about 1 and a half times a week (Insert “Who is having sex half a time?” joke here.)

Rounding out the Top 10 most sexually active cities are:
3. Washington D.C. 86
4. Los Angeles 82
5. New York 6. Boston 79
7. Chicago 73
8. Dallas / Ft. Worth 73
9. Philadelphia 73
10.San Francisco 60

But quantity does not equal quality. When it comes to the most satisfied cities, Houston drops to number 3 with 70% satisfied with their sex lives, and Atlanta rises to the top with 73%. (I may have to rethink my suggestion to make the ATL just a side trip…) And NYC, number 5 on the frequency list, slides into second place with 71% liking what they’re getting. (If you can make it there…)

The rest of the Top 10 most sexually satisfied cities are:
4. Dallas/Ft. Worth 67%
5. Chicago 66%
6. Los Angeles 66%
7. Washington D.C. 65%
8. Philadelphia 64%
9. San Francisco 63%
10. Boston 60%

What else did Trojan uncover about our sex lives?

- Seems 63% of American wish they were having more sex. (I wish they would have provided contact info.)
- 21% of us are “extremely satisfied” with our sex lives, while 30% are “dissatisfied”.
- More than half of us (53%) describe our sex lives as: “predictable,” “lukewarm,” and “depressing” while 23% would say their sex life is “hot.”
- 80% believe having a good sex life is an important part of their health and well being. (Which is why I always suggest playing doctor.)
- 73% think having sex without orgasm is like “Fourth of July without fireworks.”
- 76% want to find ways to make their sex lives more exciting.
- 71% are “always” looking for ways to increase their pleasure.
- And 60% believe using vibrators and other toys could spice up their sex lives.

I CAN’T BELIEVE VEGAS MISSED THE LIST.

HYDE-D

THE 5 BEST/WORST CAMEL TOES IN CHEERLEADING

YIKES BIG THIGHS AND THIS GIRL LOOKS TO BE PUSHING 30, WHICH IS 75 IN CHEERLEADER YEARS.

THIS LITTLE CHARGER IS SILENCING THE MYTH THAT ASIAN GIRL HAVE SMALL SIDEWAYS VA JAY JAY’S.

THOSE SHORTS ARE BEING SUCKED IN LIKE VAGINA QUICKSAND.

HOTDOG DOWN A HALLWAY ANYONE?

SERIOUSLY, THAT’S HER BUTT RIGHT?

HYDE-D

INDIANA TRAIN-WRECK

hydeD-There aren’t many guarantee’s in life but I’ll share with you a few 1. Purdue is not going to win the National Championship in football this year 2. I’m 22 and my penis has stopped growing 3. Arika here will give you a  mixed cocktail of HPV and fire pee if you have sex with her 4. Crazy girls are way better in bed.  I’d just like to thank whoever molested Arika as a young teen, she’s a real sexual train wreck.

John

JOHN-5. FAKE HAIR, FAKE TANS AND FAKE RACKS MAKE EVERY GIRL LOOK AT LEAST 53% BETTER, TROPHY WIVES DON’T COME IN BRUNETTE.

HYDE-D

JAY CUTLER CALLS IT QUITS

hydeD-After a lot of weekend buzz involving real estate listings and veiled threats, it appears that Denver’s glorious Jay Cutler Era is officially over.  Things started to get suspicious on Thursday when the disgruntled Broncos quarterback put his $2 million home up for sale. That’s usually what you do when you no longer want to live in a place, but maybe he just wanted to move into a tent up in Greeley. Plus, Cutler did meet with his new head coach Josh McDaniels on Saturday and surely a face-to-face conversation would clear up whatever philosophical differences the two gentlemen have about five-step drops.  But now it’s Monday and the team’s first offseason workouts begin today and Cutler is not even in the state. The latest word is that he is nowhere near the city of Denver and has formally asked the team to trade him.

At the end of the meeting, he wasn’t like, ‘Jay, I want you as our quarterback, you’re our guy.’ It felt like the opposite. He basically said that I needed to tell him if we can’t work this out, to let him know,” Cutler added. “I thought he was antagonizing me and that was disappointing because I was ready to move on, committed as a Bronco.”

Cutler says that McDaniels fully admitted that he would rather have Matt Cassel, but even though that’s never going to happen the two still can’t seem to make nice. McDaniels told his slightly different side of the story:

“Again, I think that’s been a pattern. I couldn’t get [Cutler] to talk to me for two weeks or to talk to Mr. Bowlen. Then when he came here this weekend, we couldn’t get a one-on-one meeting, just me and him alone. He wanted Bus in there, so I had Brian sit in, too. And it was the four of us. There wasn’t any yelling, none of that. I can’t believe we get to a totally different [interpretation].  It really appears that all McDaniels had to do is say “Jay, you’re the best and I love you forever”

and everyone could get on with their lives, but it appears that the coach is too proud to beg. So now the Broncos have to try and deal their starting quarterback, yet do it from a weak bargaining position because the guy they are trying to trade is Jay Cutler.

HERE ARE HYDE D MONTAGE’S 5 BEST REPLACEMENTS FOR CUTLER:

CASSEL-WE COULD STILL TRADE CUTLER TO THE CHIEFS

MCNABB-THERE’S BEEN A LOVE HATE REALTIONSHIP WITH HIM AND THE CITY OF PHILLY FOR YEARS

BRADY QUINN-HE’S HURT AND I THINK THE BROWNS MIGHT TRADE FOR HIM

DREW BREESE-WEAK TEAM, GREAT QB THE GUY IS READY TO GO!

THE ENTIRE BEARS D-GOD KNOWS THEY NEED A QB AND WE NEED A DEFENSE

HYDE-D

THE REAL OWNER OF MICHAEL PHELPS BONG

HydeD-The owner of the famed Michael Phelps bong? It’s Zachery “Carter” King, 23, who won the 2008 Poker Stars World Championship of Online Poker Main Event, earning $1.3 million. That buys a lot of weed.  King was arrested on Feb. 7 and charged with simple marijuana possession and released. He came to their attention, Richmond County police say, when he attempted to sell the bong on eBay for $100,000. King denies this.

Brett

BRETT-HERE’S A LIST OF STUPID THINGS TO BUY ON EBAY:

1. A “REAL” ROLEX

2. TOAST WITH JESUS ON IT

3. NEVER BEEN USED POCKET VAGINA

4. A CAR

5. A MICHAEL PHELPS BONG

HYDE-D

FAN-TASTIC: 5 STEPS TO GETTING ARRESTED AT AN NFL STADIUM

5 STEPS TO GETTING ARRESTED AT AN NFL STADIUM:

1. DRINK 153 SAMUEL ADAMS, YOU’RE GOING TO NEED SOME LIQUID COURAGE

2. TAKE THE BUS TO FOXBOROUGH

3. THINK BACK TO YOUR HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL GLORY DAYS, (THOSE WERE THE DAYS WEREN’T THEY)

4. BET A HALF NAKED FAN IN SUB-ZERO WEATHER THAT FOOTBALL PLAYERS TODAY ARE SOFT AND THAT YOU IN YOUR PRIME COULD MAN HANDLE ANYONE OF THESE HGH P*SSIES

5. FOLLOW THROUGH ON YOUR BET, BUT PICK THE OLDEST GUY IN THE NFL TO TAKE DOWN

THAT’S PRETTY MUCH IT!

HYDE-D

5 BEST THINGS TO SAY AFTER SEX WITH A GUY FOR THE FIRST TIME

LADIES THIS ONE IS FOR YOU, I WANT YOU ALL TO WRITE THESE DOWN AND RIGHT AFTER YOU FINISH HAVING SEX WITH YOUR NEW GUY FOR THE FIRST TIME REPEAT AS FOLLOWS.  (keep in mind these can all be lies).

1. I’VE WANTED TO DO THAT SINCE THE FIRST MINUTE I SAW YOU

2. MY LAST BOYFRIEND WAS SO MUCH SMALLER THAN YOU.

3. I HAVE TO TELL ALL MY FRIENDS ABOUT THIS, YOU’RE BETTER THAN ICE CREAM AND DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES.

4. CAN I MAKE YOU SOMETHING TO EAT NOW?

5. I DON’T CARE HOW LATE IT IS OR HOW DRUNK YOU ARE, CALL ME AND I’LL COME GET YOU.

HYDE-D

4 BEST MOMS OF THE YEAR (BY BEST I MEAN WORST)

Call me crazy, but I find something a little sexy about the single mom.  I think she works a little harder at some of the small stuff (bj’s cough cough).  Thank you J5 for the email, you looked really cute in the shower today.

HYDE-D

5 BEST FAT GUY PICTURES OF ALL TIME

#5  The Fat Guy Sports Fan-This guy is down to drink on ocean’s worth of Coors Light, paint his entire hairy jello-like body and manage to offend even his home team fans.  Yet still we love you Fat Sports Fan Guy!

#4 Fat Athlete-Your clock is ticking, Fat Athlete has a 4 year (college) maybe 5, window of opportunity for hanging out and impregnating a hot chick.  Once you’re done playing football and start selling insurance, your skinny girl days are gone.

#3 Fat Guy Eating-I fucking love watching guys twice my size, eating meals the size of me, “eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it”!!

#2  Hilarious Fat Guy-He does the “truffle shuffle”, makes fun of not seeing his own penis for years and makes us laugh at his own expense.  Every crew needs one and no wedding would be complete without a hilarious fat toast.  

#1  Naked Fat Guy-We’re just happy it’s not us.

HYDE-D